


Date Night

by dogtier



Series: A World Where Everyone Is Happy [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-23
Updated: 2012-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 00:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/325927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogtier/pseuds/dogtier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake and Roxy give each other a hand getting dressed for their double date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Date Night

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the Homesmut kink meme for [this prompt](http://homesmut.livejournal.com/14212.html?thread=28112260#t28112260).

“Roxy, Roxy, Roxy!” Jake called excitedly from the bathroom. “You darling wonderful lady, come look at this! Come immediately it’s of utmost importance!”

“Hold your horses,” Roxy replied. “I’m getting my tits on.”

“Dash your tits, they can wait!” Jake said.

Roxy gave up wrestling with the bra for the time being, the clasp seemed to have gotten bent somehow and would have to be coaxed back into shape, and went into the bathroom. Jake was clearly beside himself with excitement, he hadn’t even bothered to put on his binder before letting her see him.

“What is it?” Roxy asked. Jake waved his hand, pointing repeatedly at the skin above his lip.

“Look!” he said. Roxy leaned forward to try to understand what he was so worked up about.

“Are you trying to grow a mustache?” she asked. Jake punched her lightly on the shoulder in response.

“Trying? Are you blind?” Jake demanded. “You can clearly see that it’s coming in already. In no time at all I’ll have a distinguished handlebar. Oh, I must show Jane, she will be so happy. She loves mustaches, you know. Always said I’d look handsome with one.”

Roxy had her doubts about Jane being able to even see the wiry little beginnings of hair on Jake’s face, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him. He got quite defensive about those sort of things.

“Excellent work,” she settled on saying.

“Thank you!” he said. “My natural machismo has finally conquered these stubborn follicles. I’m sure that blasted growth spurt is right around the corner. Enjoy your towering for now, Lalonde, soon it will be me gazing down at you.”

“Obviously,” Roxy agreed. She held up the bra. “Can I get a hand here? This damn thing is bent out of shape and my nails are getting in the way of bending it back.”

“Of course, a gentleman is always ready to help the gentler sex,” he replied. He took the bra from her hands and deftly twisted the hooked wire on the band back into its intended position.

“Thanks,” Roxy said.

“Let me help you get it on,” Jake said.

“Mr. English,” Roxy said, “I thought a gentleman like you waited until his wedding night to manhandle a lady’s gazoombas.”

“Gazoombas?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Gazoombas,” she repeated. “I stand by gazoombas.”

“Well sometimes a gentleman must put aside his moral qualms for the greater good of gazoombas everywhere,” he said. She laughed at him, but slid into the bra and turned around to let him do up the hooks regardless. She snapped one strap to make sure it was secure before leaving the bathroom to get her breast forms from her dresser. She slipped them in and bounced them a couple times.

“I think they’re crooked,” she said.

“Whmph?” Jake asked, looking out of the bathroom with his head halfway in his binder. He seemed to have gotten stuck again. She waited patiently for him to ask for assistance, but he conquered it in short order. “What again?”

“I think they’re crooked,” she repeated. He adjusted his glasses as she stuck her chest out at him.

“Yeah, the left one is a little high,” he agreed finally. She jiggled things about until he gave her a thumbs up.

“Your cleavage is as exquisite as ever, miss,” he told her.

“Aw shucks,” she said and fluttered her eyelashes until he laughed. “Now scoot, I’m stealing the bathroom. I have secret girl shit to be getting down with.”

“Can I get my cock on first?” he asked.

“Not unless I get to give a little hands on help,” she said, winking. “If you know what I mean.”

“I take back my compliments regarding you being distinguished lady of society,” he said. She stuck out her tongue at him as he grabbed his packer. He held it to his chest defensively as she slipped past him into the bathroom again and shut the door.

“I’m just kidding,” she called through the wood. “I would never steal Janey’s man like that. Sisters before misters, after all.”

“You’re still taking the bathroom, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said. “Use my mom’s if you really need one.”

“And risk decent into madness brought upon by gazing into dark eldritch corners never meant to be gazed into?” he asked. “I’m not a fool.”

“Enjoy your crooked junk,” she said. He probably was sticking his tongue out at her and blushing, that adorable little man.

“Witch!” his muffle voice called, making her laugh. “Harridan, she-devil, and harpy! I hope your gazoombas droop.”

“You are ridiculous,” she told him. “Be quiet, mama’s trying to get some tucking done.”

He quieted down, but she could still hear him grumbling out there as she made the necessary adjustments below the waist and got her slip on. She did a quick turn around, double checking in the mirror. It wouldn’t do to have their evening out ruined by a wardrobe malfunction. She grabbed her dress from where it was hanging on the shower rod and wriggled into it, only to discover she couldn’t get the zipper all the way. She sighed and opened the door to peek out.

“If the she-devil apologizes, would the gentleman risk madness to assist her?” she asked.

“Only if she promises not to rend him asunder with her claws,” he answered. He was smoothing down his grey suit pants. His junk didn’t look crooked at all.

“She wouldn‘t ruin her French tips with his blood,” she told him. “Now zip me up.”

He did so with the minimum amount of complaint.

“You look stunning,” he told her. She punched him lightly on the shoulder to shut him up. “Right, we shouldn’t keep Jane and Auto waiting.”

The hurried through the rest of getting dressed. Roxy had to pause when putting on mascara to help Jake with his cufflinks but otherwise things went smoothly. Even with that Jane was clearly a bit annoyed by the time they finally got downstairs. Probably from having to deal with Auto, Jane was still not used to her best friend dating an extremely advance computer program and he loved to rub it in.

“We’re going to be late for the movie,” Jane told them. “You know how long it takes to get back to civilization from here.”

“Sorry,” Jake said, slightly ruined by how much he was grinning.

“It appears that there is another showing at 9:15,” Auto told them, tilting his robotic head slightly to the side the way he always did when he was accessing the internet. “If we had dinner first the timing should work out perfectly.”

“Great thinking as always,” Roxy told him, kissing him on the cheek. “Is the gentleman driving?”

“It’s only polite,” Jake said, grabbing the keys from the hook by the door.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Roxy said.

Jane got up from the couch and put her jaunty hat back on. Jake grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together as she passed, not even letting go when they got sort of tangled in the door way. They were adorable.

“Are you growing a mustache?” Jane asked, peering closely at Jake. He almost squealed in excitement, pulling her into a fierce hug.

“Were we ever that young?” Roxy sighed and asked Auto.

“It seems you are being facetiously nostalgic,” Auto said. “Should I be checking your blood alcohol levels?”

“Shut up,” she said.

“My sensors show that you ‘love it’,” he said.

“I guess I do,” Roxy agreed. She reached out and gave Auto’s hand a quick squeeze. It was going to be a good night.


End file.
